Being assertive can be a super power on any project. It can help you deliver bad news effectively, have difficult conversations confidently & set boundaries clearly. Those that are assertive (without being aggressive) usually win the respect of their teams because they are able to clearly articulate and enforce their expectations for how a project is going to be delivered.
But being assertive can be easier said than done. Many people fear being assertive because they feel they will be perceived negatively by their team or that being assertive may end up causing conflict. Others are unable to be assertive because of lack of confidence, or self esteem. Sometimes, being assertive can be difficult simply because we are having a bad day.
So how can you turn up & be authentically assertive on your projects? Here are some top tips!
Prepare
Being assertive is underpinned by confidence. If you are going into a situation where you know that you will need to be assertive (for whatever reason!), make sure that you are prepared. Research the area you will be speaking up about & make sure you know exactly what you want to say, and how you want to say it, beforehand
Remember that your view is important
Your knowledge, experience & skillset are valuable. Remember that you are on your project for a reason & your unique perspective is important. No one else in that room has your specific set of skills & experience so remind yourself that your view (& being able to articulate your view) is important for the success of this project. If you don’t speak up then the whole team & project misses out on the benefit of your voice
Try making yourself BIG
Neuroscience shows that by making ourselves ‘big’ we can help our brain and our bodies feel more confident. Nowadays, most of us spend a lot of our day hunched over a laptop with our shoulders curled in & our head tilted down. Before going into the situation, try reversing this. Stand tall, with your shoulders relaxed, your back straight, your head held high & your arms out stretched. Do some deep breathing to engage your core & regulate your nervous system. By ‘making yourself big’ you will be lighting up the areas of your brain responsible for lowering stress & increasing our ability for decision making, self regulation & clear thinking
Use concise, neutral language
Being able to use concise, neutral language instantly makes us appear more assertive. Concise language refers to our ability to sum up a situation or relay a point & then stop talking. Too often, we talk to fill silence which ends up undermining the important things that we had to say in the first place. So try making your point & then stop talking. You will instantly come across as more concise & effective.
Neutral language is important because it can help take things away from being personal. Being effectively assertive means being able to avoid being unnecesarily confrontational & using neutral language can be an effective way to stop leading people into playing a ‘blame game’ or pointing fingers at others
Use repetition for enforcement
Remember that for effective communication to happen a message has to be
- relayed effectively
- received & understood
Sometimes, it might take a little repetition, explanation or enforcement for a message to be clearly relayed. And remember, that sometimes it can take a little bit of time for our brains to understand things so don’t be afraid to repeat yourself if necessary to ensure that your point has been heard.
Think about the forum & timing
Being assertive can be much easier if the forum & timing is right. So pick some easy wins. Instead of going into a meeting & being assertive in front of an audience, can you have conversations on a 121 basis with the relevant parties before that meeting? And instead of having difficult conversations online, can you have them in person where you are able to read the other parties body language better? In terms of timing - pick a time that works best for you! If you are full of energy first thing in the morning, try to have these conversations then, rather than later in the day when you might be more tired or lethargic. Consider how you typically function in any given day & use this to help rather than hinder the development of this new skill.
Try the You-Me-Actions technique
The You-Me-Actions technique involves
- Actively listening to the other persons point of view so you understand it
- Stating your viewpoint confidently & honestly
- Suggesting actions by proposing a way forward that suits both parties.
Its simple, but this can be an effective way of being assertive with an action oriented approach
If conflict arises, don’t take things personally
Remember that project dynamics are complex & multi-faceted. Sometimes, no matter how assertive we are, things do end up tipping into conflict. If this is the case, try not to take things personally. There will be many reasons that things have moved into conflict - some of which you may not even be aware of - so practice being kind to yourself & just do what you can to manage the situation.
Being assertive at work can be daunting. It can mean stepping up, making your voice heard & laying down boundaries even when we don’t feel confident. Being authentically assertive (& by association not being passive, or aggressive) can be an important skill on any project. Try some of the tips above to develop this so it can be your super power!